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It's really hard to avoid doing this.
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this post was submitted on 09 Apr 2024
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Autism
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People-pleasing and excessive conflict avoidance. Been there before.
I live there.
Is that an autistic thing ?
When you spend your formative years trying to 'fit in' (like most autistic people) you quickly learn that standing up for yourself is a failure in your attempts to not stand out. Those chidhood habits are incredibly hard to unlearn.
This meme isn't an exclusive trait for autistic people, just one that many autistic people struggle with.
I see, thanks a lot.
I deal with this a lot and it is really making my (work) life a lot harder. Any advice on how to break through that blockade?
I find that I always start sounding to defense which makes me sounds even more guilty (atleast I think so)
Definitely more common with autistic people. There's a theory of autism, Intense World Theory, that posits the fundamental concepts of autism make the world is too intense for us. We perceive things more intensely, we process things more intensely, we remember things more intensely, and we focus more intensely. Since the world is tailored for NTs, we are more likely to develop a traumatized personality which results in fawning/people-pleasing. Orion Kelly has a video I like on fawning, though he doesn't discuss the Intense World Theory.
As far as my own personal beliefs at this time, I think that autistic people are constantly told from childhood that their perception of the world is incorrect. If we don't agree to succumb, we are punished. This makes us dependent on others to tell us how the world works. As such, we don't develop confidence in social situations and become submissive to others.
Appreciate this immensely. Thanks for the reading material. I am going through it now. Each day since I found out about the #actuallyautistic hashtag on the fedi, I learn a new thing that unmistakably aligns with my experience. Now there's this place too. It's difficult to express how thankful I am for all that I've been discovering for the past few months now. It is completely life-changing, and I know I am only just started. Take care,
You're very welcome! I have found a lot of support and benefits from this community too. FYI, we have a Matrix chat that is really welcoming. Feel free to jump on in and act like you belong because you do! We generally just chat and talk about whatever, but we also have rooms for helpful support, tech related matters, and even memes.