this post was submitted on 09 Jul 2023
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Autism

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I don't understand why I can't be blunt. (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by larsthespacepirate@lemmy.world to c/autism@lemmy.world
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lemmy deleted my completely finished post right before posting so let's try this again. I find it so annoying that I have to sugarcoat everything. I feel like I'm coddling people. I understand being polite to strangers, but it's so annoying when my family, who knows I'm autistic, gets upset at my bluntness. I've explained multiple times that I'm not trying to be rude and I'm just trying to communicate in a way that works for me, but it doesn't work. I just don't understand why I have to say "hey, would you mind not letting the dogs tangle? thank you:)" in some high pitched voice when I could just say, "can you not let the dogs tangle?" in a tone that conveys I'm serious. it's so much easier when intentions are simply stated.

edit: I'm having trouble posting comments but thank you for all your responses! it's helping me see things a bit easier, and I definitely have things I can work on now :)

another edit for clarity: my family and I have talked about my communication style. I've tried to find ways to meet them in the middle, as I want a compromise. they've been unsuccessful but I'm continuing to try. I want to be at a point where it's not stressful and exhausting to talk to my family. this was more of just a vent post, as I was feeling really annoyed.

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[–] SgtThunderC_nt@lemmy.zip 5 points 1 year ago (2 children)

"Can you not let the dogs tangle?" sounds like you're telling people what to do. Normies typically get offended by that because they wanna feel like it's for them. If you rephrase it to sound like they're doing it for you they may be more receptive. "I'm worried the dogs might get hurt, would you stop them from tangling?"

[–] ABCDE@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Can you not? Is rude as it expects the worst, and is a form of language used to admonish rather than request something or.

Don't let them tangle. Thanks. Is better and telling someone directly.

[–] SgtThunderC_nt@lemmy.zip 1 points 1 year ago

You and me baby ain't nothin but mammals. People are just animals reacting to stimulus, as much as we'd like to think more of ourselves.

But what's his goal? To be right? Or to have his needs met? If he just wants to be right then by all means, technically OP did what they needed to do, they set a boundary and expected someone close to them to honor it. But OP's needs still didn't get met.

[–] larsthespacepirate@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

I actually think that that could work with my family. thank you!