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How do you torture an evil hell entity you capture in your room? (sopuli.xyz)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by pinkdrunkenelephants@sopuli.xyz to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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So at 4:30 in the morning, I was woken by an interdimensional alien monstrosity I can only imagine is one of the creatures David Grusch was alluding to in that Congressional hearing a few weeks ago, and after an hour of running away, suppressing my screams, and unsuccessful attempts at smashing the thing, I have captured it in a Mason jar, and now have no idea how to properly punish it.

And I emphasize punish as opposed to simply kill, for the indignities this not-so-little asshole put me through the past hour render it completely undeserving of any mercy, quarter, or protection under our legal system.

IT'S HALF THE SIZE OF MY FUCKING HAND.

IT, IT'S BROWN AND SHINY ALL AT THE SAME TIME SOMEHOW.

IT FLEW. I HAD TO DODGE TO KEEP IT FROM FLYING IN MY FACE. 😡😡😡🤬🤬🤬😰😰😰

It dared to defy the authority of the top creature of the motherfucking pecking order on Earth, and for my humiliation it must be forced to suffer. An example must be made so none of its kind get any ideas. I don't want them to invade Earth and destroy humanity.

Only this is my first time dealing with something like this and I don't know how to make it suffer.

How do you maximize the pain of an evil alien entity from another dimension? How do we make it suffer as much as possible? Yes, this is a serious question.

Can these things even feel pain?

Did, did Lovecraft ever leave any of his instructions in his books? Anyone have a copy of the Necronomicon, perchance?

Proof that aliens exist, EAT YOUR HEART OUT GRUSCH: https://ibb.co/9VpsTMt

No throwaways, we die like aliens dumb enough to crash land in the American heartland

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[–] pinkdrunkenelephants@sopuli.xyz -3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Nah fam, evolution doesn't work that way and humanity didn't rise to the top by submitting to the will of evil hell monstrosities simply because they were there first. Elvis was there before Michael Jackson, did that stop MJ from beating most of his sales records, marrying his daughter and claiming the title of King of Pop? Nope.

That thing could possibly spread diseases, too, and might wander its way back into my house, or someone else's, and who would I be if I brought that kind of horror upon an unwitting neighbor? What if it bit somebody, or a house pet?

Does human life hold such little value to you that you are willing to choose a literal evil entity over one of your fellow humans?

That thing needs to die, and I shall kill it as soon as I think of an execution method I find suitable.

[–] Deconceptualist@lemm.ee 1 points 1 year ago

I'm not saying you have to welcome this thing anywhere near your house (I wouldn't either). But I'm not sure you have the healthiest relationship with our fellow living beings. I recommend some David Attenborough documentaries as a bit of cleansing, might help you feel better.