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this post was submitted on 21 Aug 2023
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Mental Health
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That was a good one. I married my husband even though he was blatantly honest like that when he got nervous or stressed out at first. Once I realized he probably has some undiagnosed ADHD and talked with him about it he at least became more aware that not everyone blurts out their thoughts like that. Now we joke that he is just an out-loud thinker and make space for it in the relationship. He only has to work on masking it at work if he wants to become friends with people there, and not have people angry that he said something critical of them all the time, not with me. I can ignore offhand remarks that are just him thinking out loud for the most part, or ask him if he really meant to say that or was just processing an emotion and maybe we should revisit this later.
I have basically the opposite issue. I have social anxiety and constantly overthink every interaction Even on the internet I agonize before hitting the post button about whether people really want me to say that. I retreat inside my head to process my big emotions before I present them to anyone, and I can't imagine what it would be like to just blurt them out all the time with no filter. Not that I am completely immune to that, but when I do I am horribly embarrassed by it. It seems like my own personal version of Hell to not really have the safety of processing things inside my head before I blurt them out. I think that's why I can have sympathy for him when he says something that seems mean or critical. It's not like I never have critical thoughts of my husband, I just have the safety of only letting them out when I feel it's important to do so.