No, good sir, I'm on the level.

You'll be given cushy jobs!

It glides as softly as a cloud.

Media playback has been just fine for me, both browser streaming and local files via VLC. Battery is a little harder for me to say because my battery, according to ChromeOS, was at 85% health, but I've watched 4-5 hours of YouTube straight one day when I was sick, and I think it was around 20% when I woke up and plugged in from 100%.

I am. My Asus Chromebook aged out of support, so I put PopOS on it using this guide. Luckily, I had a compatible board, so I didn't have to physically alter anything:

https://docs.mrchromebox.tech/docs/supported-devices.html

Runs pretty decently, although boot up is rather slow.

It's more used for darker/dirtier dad jokes.

I don't know how to explain it, but it absolutely is. I saw my first a week or two ago, and was taken aback by how off-putting it is visually. I thought maybe it'd have an awkward charm, but no, it's just physically uncomfortable to look at.

I used to like Steven Wright.

I still do, but I used to, too.

Usually, the most effective way is to say, "Wanna hear a knock knock joke?"

"Sure!"

"Okay, you start."

Has about a 90% success rate.

If only it were once a year. This year, people started on the 28th of fucking June, and didn't stop until the goddamn 6th.

If it actually was contained to the 4th, I would be fine with it, but getting woken up by an explosion every night at 1:30am for a week straight, it gets real old, real fast.

Fair enough. Looks like "According to World Bank data, the global fertility rate was 2.4 children per woman in 2019. This rate is approximately half of what it was in 1950 (4.7), and more economically developed countries such as Australia, most of Europe, and South Korea, tend to have lower rates than do less-developed or low-income countries."

https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/total-fertility-rate#:~:text=According%20to%20World%20Bank%20data%2C%20the%20global%20fertility,lower%20rates%20than%20do%20less-developed%20or%20low-income%20countries.

There's definitely differences in birth rates -- it's where Baby Boomer got the name. Here are the CDC numbers below, but in brief, the birth rate in 1950 across all races was 24.1, while in 2019, it was 11.4, meaning people in 1950 were squirting them out at over twice the rate as those just a few years ago.

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/hus/2020-2021/brth.pdf