this post was submitted on 13 Oct 2023
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Something I've always wondered is what kind of women were in the lives of incel men when they were young. Did they have a bad relationship with their mother? Did they lack sisters or other female family members? Or is their family situation irrelevant? Maybe some particular situation in their early years caused them to develop a complex around women?

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[–] Pennytrationer@lemm.ee 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Nothing to do with upbringing. They lack the social skills and in most cases, attractiveness, to easily attract the opposite sex. Most you'll notice really tried in their teen and younger years but when that didn't pan out their brain essentially created a safe space in their mind where it can't be their fault. It MUST be women are terrible people because I'm a great person and they don't want me. Think of it like kids who've had a shit childhood. They see the world through a protective lens they've created to make their unpleasant reality easier to swallow.

[–] Pyr_Pressure@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm a man with terrible social skills and low attractiveness, not sure what differed with me but I don't hate women like those arseholes do. Don't have a terribly high libido either though so maybe that's the difference.

[–] ReginaPhalange@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago
  • Terrible social skills
  • Low attraciveness
  • Depression
  • High libido

Never hated women, but I allways sympathised with the incel community about feeling life as a burden.
I still feel that way, but I made a decision to still be kicking as long as my parents are too.

Well, I personally know five. Four are mormon. I think it has something to do with being raised to think you're better than women.

[–] Pasta4u@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Same ahit that makes nice girls / femcels. Just toxic propaganda repeated over and over again woth the aim of making a person believe its never thier fault and always someone elses.

[–] NightLily@lemmy.basedcount.com 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I think incels are a group of sufficient size that you can just state relatively is that all of the above are likely to be true to some portion of them whether that be extremely negative experiences with women such as abuse from a parental figure, they mentally don’t connect well with the women they meet and thus are unable to form meaningful relationships or they just fell into it and are on the edge and not in the deep black pill stuff but identify with the word.

https://home-affairs.ec.europa.eu/system/files/2021-08/ran_cn_incel_phenomenon_20210803_en.pdf presents three main ideas (on page 4) being

history of abuse/mental trauma, social skills deficit and/or lack of awareness/distorted boundaries.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/finding-a-new-home/202301/new-research-on-why-incels-hate-women?amp Whereas this one (looking for the extremist and violent incel subcategory of incels) basically hits upon every possible reason from abuse to indoctrination to just active toxic masculine.

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[–] DocCrankenstein@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Internalized logical fallacies combined with perceived (or real) trauma along with a lack of critical thinking skills or self awareness required to understand that their thinking is illogical.

The brain is a dumb piece of meat that was shocking into awakening and it is scrambling to make sense of the world and its experiences. It doesn't do a good job if left to its own devices and very often makes mistakes that if not rectified early on can become near impossible to unlearn due to cognitive dissonance.

These lines of thinking have existed for a very long time, becoming louder during the age of information, and all it takes is for someone not in a good headspace to read something that both reaffirms their sorrow as well as shift their personal responsibilities onto another entity. Our brains eat that shit up if not critically analyzed.

So when someone attempts to say that their perceived persecution is wrong or self imposed they become angry feeling invalidated on a personal level.

[–] Smoogs@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Having your child only have the internet as a guide for how men should act. Or to only get their answers about women. It breeds paranoia. It takes every tragic story and repeats it causing a false sense of ubiquitous understanding that all women are evil. It was especially bad in the early 2000 with MRA brigading everything. Reddit especially was welcoming to beat women subs, subs about getting off on women who cry, raping and create awful backstories to somehow justify women were in general deserving of vitriol and abuse. They had stories that women were con artists coming up with ways to fool men/be vindictive/ toy with emotions so they deserved to be tormented. The Reddit ‘MO’ was that ‘this was free speech at its finest’. At one point I witnessed one story of one women who lied about getting raped and it was copy pasted as a statistic with men believing this was more than one woman and more than one experience.made up stories were everywhere. Not one person could give first hand experience. It was always a friend of an uncle or cousin and for whatever reason this was enough for them to take on as evidence it was pervasive.

I think these kinds of websites are getting a bit more healthier in that people are catching it and calling it out for what it is. That is not to say there are some deep recesses that a developing mind prone to believing everything could get sucked in.

So with this I would suggest if you do have a child (or even man) somewhere that you’re worried about and starts saying some really fucked up shit about woman you sit them down to do a gratitude list with them about all the wonderful women they know(and help them define what makes a great person - catch out poor definitions like trying to define women by their worth to men or attacking women’s sexuality). Remind them that humans are a complex mix of individuals and that not all a person does is all about them. Help that needle find the balance cuz it’s real easy to go ‘all things are bad’ real easy cuz the human mind tends to focus on the negative. It’s a good exercise to do about anyone and anything really. Catches out a lot of unfounded negative energy and keeps it in check.

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