I feel like most of the objections could be satisfied by having non-essential holodeck stuff in rooms only.
So you have a bed and lighting and core furnishings without it. But you get to use the holodeck to adjust all that to your taste, decorate the room, and othewise make the space yours. Maybe you get a virtual companion if you are lonely.
OTOH, I think replicators are already capable of doing most of what would be done by the in-room holodeck in that case.
To me the energy needs don't really matter since energy consumption only matters in emergencies in Star Trek usually. If the first things you lose when there are power issues are your decorations and your virtual companion, I think that's OK...
Edit - and in the limited space available to a personal cabin even in the Trek universe - it would be cool for your kitchen to be able to become your movie room with a simple voice command, or a personal gym, or an extension to your main living area during a party, etc...