Asklemmy

As a bored kid waiting for my turn on the family computer in the basement, while waiting for my older brother to finish, I once stapled a finger. Don't remember which, but it was just really dumb.

Threading the needle between a bus and a parked car on my bike at night. The car door opened right after the bus cleared.

Many ways. in order from first to last the ones that I remember and qualify as stupid are:

When I was very young i put a toy into a coal fire, regretted my decision and tried to retrieve the molten plastic.

I tried to carry a pan of boiling chickpeas over my shoulder and ended up spilling it down my back

I tried cycling down a steep hill while holding an ice-cream and hurt my nuts on the stem of the handlebars when I had to stop.

Went down a steep hill on a scooter and stopped on my head (this one required stitches).

Worked on a boat without a helmet and got slapped in the side of the head with a crane hook.

Tried jumping over a Wheely bin while rat-arsed and face planted on the pavement.

There are plenty more accidents that were just shitty luck, but these are the avoidable ones.

Edit: I also managed to slice open my finger with a kitchen knife while removing the seed from a mango.

Played computer games for a few hours in a non-ergonomic position and instead of taking breaks or resetting my position I just powered through. So off and on for the last 6 years I've had chronic pain in my elbows.

Broke first bone as an adult playing Pokémon Go on release night

When I was a child, I used to gallop down the stairs like you'd see a lot of people doing in everyday life. I got to a point in my puberty that I had grown just enough to slam my head into the wooden stud at the bottom of my stairs going into the basement.

I'm pretty sure my IQ went down by about 25% that day.

Thought that the discomfort in overhead presses and triceps dips was something I should push through. The result was that I tore both a rotator cuff muscle and the labrum i~~b~~n one of my shoulders. I'm still recovering from the surgery to put my shoulder back together. :|

I wanted a pineapple and put a cutting board on my lap to slice it up.

I thankfully only stabbed myself a little when the extremely slippery fruit did its thing.

Broke my nail once because i had my finger where the door hinge was and kid me was the not the brightest tool in the shed

Also I have really bad scarring from when I used shaving cream and whatever I did fucked up my leg enough that I just have a bunch of dot scars now which is partially why I only wear long pants now

September of 2006 I was cleaning the house and had just finished mopping the upstairs bathroom and was taking the mop and broom back downstairs when my wet shoe slipped on the hardwood stairs (No carpet or treed). I fell down 8 steps landing on the landing. At first I thought I was fine, but when I stood up I instantly fell down. It was at this moment I noticed on the wall was a streak of blood about 3 feet long. Touching my temple revealed a good bit of chiseled spam. So it's possible during the initial fall, I slammed my head into the wall and knocked myself out for a moment. Though I've never been able to figure out if that is in fact the way it happened. I have no memory of hitting my head though.

That wasn't the part that really hurt me though. I realized I had no control over my right leg. It didn't "hurt" really, but it was just hanging at an odd angle. Not know exactly how hurt I was, and not sure what else to do, I called 911 and an ambulance ride later had me in the ER. 6 hours of tests and waiting and it was revealed I had shredded my patellar Tendon.

The next morning I had a surgery that was supposed to last 3 hours, it ended up lasting 7 because the surgeon accidentally cut into an artery in my leg and I lost a great deal of blood before they could get the bleeding to stop. I ended up having to have 3 pints of blood to stabilize me before they could continue sewing my tendon back up. The way it was described to me was like trying to sew together to wet mop heads. I spent the next year of my life on my back before PT to learn to walk again. I gained 200 lbs in the year and it took me nearly 15 years to get the weight back off, I'm still struggling to get the rest of it gone.

To this day I have trouble walking, major back issues, and tons of nerve damage on my right side that I'll have till the day I die.

Was attempting to walk over a short trailer ramp (maybe a foot above the ground), caught my flip flop on the ramp grate and fractured by tibia, fibula and ankle. Yea, from a foot off the ground. Never broke anything before and even when I did, I only have this lame story. Haha.

Accidentally sliced a layer of skin off when i shaved at the shower. Weirdly enough it didn't hurt, bleed or anything when it happened, and it was only after the shower when i was applying moisturizer when it actually did. I didn't know what was causing the pain until the next day, when i saw some scab-like texture forming and realized what had happened. Thankfully it healed fast and left no scars/marks.

I poured boiling noodle water over my foot, had a big blister there and couldn't walk in shoes for weeks. It's almost a year now but the skin is still itchy sometimes.

Went for a motorcycle ride when it was 12 degrees fahrenheit. I was warm with some heated gear, but I was on my Street Triple with Pirelli Rosso III tires. I stopped at a store for a while and didn't think about the tires being cold. Gave it a bit too much throttle when leaving and the rear end slid at about 15 MPH. My leg went down first and it snapped my left MCL. I could barely walk for a month as it healed and had to go through physical therapy. My leg is solid now, but there's some nerve damage from the bike landing on my leg, which decides to make itself known occasionally.

Touched an arm to the air fryer basket accidentally, now I've got a lovely horizontal scar on the side of my wrist

When I was younger I learned a lot of things the hard way. For a decade of my childhood I went to the emergency room at least once a year due to accidents.

It's simple. I accidentally bump my head on something above me, whether it be the top of a bunk bed or a staircase handle where I'm sitting nearby.

There was a row of chairs (touching each other) at work that are purposefully very heavy. I wanted to look under the chairs, so I was lifting them one at a time. The last one was a corner chair and a lot heavier. I stuck my head behind the last chair to look under it, dropped it, and caught my jaw. It hurt like fuck but fortunately didn’t do any actual damage.

I did the one about jumping upwards under a shelf recently-ish, so instead I'll share the time I tried to stand on an exercise ball to reach something. Of course, I didn't make it, and did a faceplant into some hard cube bins.

I fell off an electric scooter and broke my wrist, I have a titanium plate in there now.

I've lost teeth climbing a tree in a stupid way, required stitches after trying to cut myself a slice of pie, and nailed myself in the groin with a ski pole while skiing

Touched a car cigarette lighter that I'd heated up myself while bored with the intent of just slipping a nail between the coils without skin contact and gave myself a new thumbprint.

Then I did that again a few years later.

Anyone who knows me that on the ice rink I turn into the human equivalent of a scruffed cat. My friend wanted to see me skate and I didn't want to disappoint so I ended up launching myself by pushing off of a wall. Suffice to say I ended up landing square on my butt! 😂

Because of skateboarding

Not through actually skating, I was walking along carrying my board and tripped over, because I was carrying the board in my dominant hand I used my non-dominant one to try brace my fall, somehow fucked it up and fractured my wrist

I thought it was just strained until I tried to swim a few hours later

Got a scar on my finger from using a Stanley/craft knife to shave down a plastic Warhammer sprue into a 'spear'

Worst fight injury I ever had was breaking my orbital bone(you should've seen the other guy though! whoa)

Most recently? Cleaning snow. The driceway is short and at a slight slope, and is on the north side of the house. The sun warms just enough of it to melt snow, but the water seeps down to the shaded area created by the house and refreezes. I cleaned all the snow, noted the slippery patch, and did a good jub avoiding it. Wouldn’t you know it, just as I finished the work I forgot about the patch and stepped in it snd went down immediately. Hurt my wrist, pretty durecit was a hood sprain. Sill hurts today if I apply the right pressure, and it’s been a few weeks since i landed on it.

I have many stories how I either accidentally cut into my fingers or break the bones. But most of them was pretty logical (still stupid tho) why it happened but one time was I going to lift up my friend + the chair they sat on for the lols and my ring fingers bone broke... I don't know how... Your guess is as good as mine

Sliced two tendons in my hand when I tried to break a metal motorcycle gasket by pulling it apart

install gentoo

Scraped a huge chunk of skin off my foot while drunk in a pool. I was at an Airbnb in the desert with some friends.

One friend and I worked our way through 40 beers in about five hours but we didn’t realize that until later on—something about the 110°F weather and swimming made drinking far too easy.

The pool had a very rough texture at the bottom and no part of it was especially deep, so I mainly bounced around on my toes while we were in the pool.

When we finally got out of the pool I saw blood everywhere coming from my foot, it had probably been bleeding for hours because I remembered pretty early on I’d stupidly jumped in and hurt my foot. I immediately went inside and ended up sleeping for 10 hours, missing all the fun everyone else had that evening. Because I was on my toes the entire time my ankles hurt for a few days.

It’s been seven months but I still have a mark on my foot, and it itches sometimes still.

Lifting weights on a machine instead of free weights. Trust yourself, not a machine.

When i was a kid i walked down the stairs with 1 roller blade on to get the other one at the bottom and fell and broke my arm.

When I was in middle school, on an organized camping trip to a lake where we would work on our canoeing skills, another kid and I started to horseplay. We were struggling over who could take a specific canoe paddle. My opponent held the handle, and I the blade. We each tried using the paddle to shove at the other & cause them to lose control, thereby securing the paddle for our own exclusive use.

Nevermind that there were a dozen other equally good paddles laying around unclaimed, we had to fight over that specific paddle.

I wound up losing my grip right as my opponent shoved. The blade hit me square on the bridge of my nose. I bled like crazy.

It wasn’t until several years afterwards that I realized how perilously close I had come to losing one or both eyes.