Asklemmy

There’s a highway that formed a loop around the city where I grew up and we used it pretty regularly, but mostly only the western half (since we lived on the west side of town). My parents explained the concept to me that it had “belt” in its name because it circled around the city like a belt goes around a person. This idea intrigued me and I eventually asked my parents if someday we could drive all the way around it. My dad seemed kind of surprised but said we could sometime. I got excited and started planning for things we would need, like a tent and food, since it would obviously take a long time.

The highway’s only about 25 miles/40 kilometers long.

I used to think that there was a country called Cyclopedia, that was full of all kinds of fascinating things. I had a book all about it called "In Cyclopedia".

That male orgasm was painful. I got this idea from seeing their o-face somewhere and assuming it indicated pain.

I scraped my knee and thought that putting skin-coloured paint on it would heal it

That a bon fire was a "bomb" fire and therefore, very loud and very dangerous.

I thought propeller planes worked by spinning so fast that they temporarily moved the gravity out of the way so the plane could fly.

That the world used to be black and white. I once asked how the people making The Wizard of Oz knew when the world was going to change, so they could film the movie correctly.

That cats and dogs were the same animal, the cats were the girls and the dogs were the boys

I ran up to my mom once, completely serious and said, "Mom! I know why all fat people are short. They use up all their skin!"

I felt like a genius until she laughed so hard she fell on the floor and peed a little.

that my grandparents remembered middle ages or even the dinosaurs

There was a park near my house where often cops would sit to catch speeders. Driving past one day, I didn't see a cop and I told my parents I was surprised by this. My folks told me that they were there, just undercover. I asked where, and they pointed to a woman walking a dog and they told me it was an undercover speed dog. For years I'd point out suspected speed dogs when we'd drive places. I am not a smart man.

I used to think those coins in the fountain at the mall were just money people wanted to get rid of. One day, little me tried getting away with a skirt full of coins and got in trouble.

I mean, to be fair, a coin on the ground is fair game, and they don't make these "unspoken rules" clear enough, so I couldn't imagine a coin in a fountain not being free to just pick up.

Tigers are female lions.

Wedding rings were there to show who was married and who was available. Once you wanted to get married, you just found a friendly person who didn't have a ring, and then you asked if they'd marry you. I mean, that IS what happens I suppose, but my 8 year old brain played it out like someone asking a nice stranger for the time.

My grandmother told me England was not part of the European continent. I got an answer wrong on a test because of that. She refused admit she was wrong even after I showed her in my text book.

Most humans have good ethics and beliefs. The more I grow, the more I'm disappointed in our society.

That we have cables instead of veins inside.

That before I was born cars had the exhaust pipe on the front (in fact I used to draw cars that way).

At some point I also believed that we were born as monkeys and we evolved as we grew up.

I was always phlegmy and coughing as a kid so I became convinced I had diphtheria and would die soon, and thought it would be terrible to let my parents know this sad fact. Turns out it was because 1980s parenting meant smoking anywhere and everywhere at all times and cigarette smoke makes me ill.

The 'H' signs to indicate a hospital was indicating there was a helicopter pad.

That bonzai was Japanese for "fire", and therefore you should never shout "Bonzai!" in a theater.

...Yeah, I'm not sure what I was smoking either.

In the 80s when i was a child there were billboards with PSAs saying don't drink and drive. I'd promptly scold my parents if i caught them taking a sip from their soft drink after hitting the McDonald's drive through.

Premises:

1. My family watches the news for [weather] and [ye local murder].
2. My friend says: his dad says: "the news lies."
3. Parents are trustworthy, and cops can't lie to the news.

Conclusion:

They lie about the WEATHER!?

There's a park in Brasilia that has a "little rocket". I refused to enter it when I was something like 4yo, because "What if it launches while I'm inside?"

Not sure what age I was, maybe 4. I thought the music on the radio was live, that the musicians went to the radio station to sing and it was broadcast from there.

We live inside the earth. Dogs say barf.

that i was a boy

The semaphore homunculus lived in the stop lights at intersections.

In my Superman onesie (w/ cape), I could fly, but was never brave enough to launch from a high enough step on the stairs. I knew I was flying, but...

That there were little gnomes inside the doors of the cars and that they were in charge of raising and lowering the windows, especially in the automatic cars.

I thought those crosses or flowers on the side of the road were where they buried the person who died in an accident.

The USA was the moral leader the world. But I watched CNN as a kid so...

New York city was the size of the whole state. Like the entire thing looked like manhattan.

I thought every song on the radio was being performed live somewhere

That God exists

I thought adults were smarter than me

I remember knowing that knives will cut you and make you bleed, and that when people were shot in movies they would bleed, therefore bullets must be shaped like little blades.

Pretty common belief among stupid 7-year-olds, I think; humans couldn't see colour up to the mid-60s.

I'm gonna sound so stupid, but I thought checks just gave you free money. I thought my parents were wasting a check by writing such a small amount, and ask them something like why not write a bigger number?

Then they explained that you need money in the bank to work. I was too young to even be embarrassed, I was just like ok cool, didn't even realize how dumb I was.

In my defence, I was like 9 and I just arrived in the US and never heard of a "check" before.

I thought that I'd die of cancer because that's my zodiac sign and nobody could convince me otherwise.

Actors are dying... for real.