this post was submitted on 15 Apr 2024
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Knife > automatic Weapon 🥸

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[–] nuke@sh.itjust.works 94 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

It's because having a gun out slows you down. Everybody knows you run faster when your knife is out

[–] slaacaa@lemmy.world 78 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Civilians should only be able to buy hand grenades for self defence, as they are very inaccurate, and everybody having them guarantees MAD. Peace achieved

[–] mnemonicmonkeys@sh.itjust.works 20 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (27 children)

Tbf, it's legal federally in the US. You just have tobpay the $200 tax stamp and wait for ATF approval for each one

[–] nuke@sh.itjust.works 17 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

~~What? That's not true at all. Grenades are classified as "destructive devices" under the National Firearms Act, and illegal for civilians to own.~~

After looking up a different source, I guess I was wrong. You have to pass some enhanced background checks, submit your fingerprints, and pay $200

[–] skillissuer@discuss.tchncs.de 11 points 7 months ago (3 children)

<$50 grenade, $200 tax stamp lol

does it work for artillery too?

[–] xor@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Sounds like you need to buy nicer grenades

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@literature.cafe 6 points 7 months ago

How dare you, Pyotr hooks me up with only the best surplus.

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[–] itslilith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 53 points 7 months ago (2 children)

He's still going on, arguing that a shooting would've caused less casualties

[–] Roflmasterbigpimp@lemmy.world 41 points 7 months ago (3 children)

Would my full automatic knife do more or less damage according to him?

[–] rtxn@lemmy.world 22 points 7 months ago (1 children)

It's the rat penis all over again, isn't it?

[–] Bonehead@kbin.social 8 points 7 months ago (1 children)

OK, I'm out of the loop on that one, and the curiosity is just too much for me...got a link?

[–] skillissuer@discuss.tchncs.de 13 points 7 months ago (2 children)
[–] Bonehead@kbin.social 11 points 7 months ago (1 children)

OK, that rat has much bigger problems than just the penis.

[–] skillissuer@discuss.tchncs.de 11 points 7 months ago

but does he tramioncatiie his zжpens?

[–] nuke@sh.itjust.works 8 points 7 months ago

Damn that sum bich got 4 testtomcels

[–] xx3rawr@sh.itjust.works 19 points 7 months ago

"Sstabie Stab Riealy Fist"

[–] itslilith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 13 points 7 months ago

You should ask him, at the moment he's arguing that being shot is perfectly safe, actually

[–] zzx@lemmy.world 14 points 7 months ago (2 children)
[–] GooglyBear@lemmy.world 17 points 7 months ago (1 children)

The "Tell me your only exposure to automatic weapons is Call of Duty" comment got a good chortle out of me.

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[–] Hildegarde@lemmy.world 37 points 7 months ago

What we really need is to give everyone fully-automatic knives to prevent this sort of thing from happening.

[–] burgermeister@lemm.ee 32 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Help, help, I'm bein suppressed!

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[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 31 points 7 months ago (3 children)

The day Browning invented the knife, it changed warfare as we knew it. It didn't happen right away, military tacticians at the time weren't very good at evaluating new military technology and thought that no knife could stand up to a calvary charge. But the British liked the idea in the African colonies, where you can do whatever you want and just tell everyone you exclusively used calvary charges to gain your glory. Knives absolutely suppressed uprisings from locals who were too savage and dangerous to realize that British rule was the best for everyone, especially the British who are the only ones who really matter.

But then an Austrian Duke was assassinated and all that changed. The boys were recruited with promises of glorious calvary charges that would be told of for ages. Instead those calvary charges were cut down with the very knives they were using in Africa. Previously, battles would see mortality rates ranging from 10-50%, but these charges often saw entire regiments wiped out by just one or two men manning knife nests.

At first, the military leaders thought the solution was even more calvary charges, but eventually they, and most others, realized that knives had changed war itself and it was no longer the glorious field entertainment everyone loved to watch on a warm sunny day and reminisce about over tankards with the King's court. It had become knife hell.

War was now spent mostly in kilometers of trenches, each soldier keeping their head low for fear of a knife slashing the moment they popped up for a quick look, until they were ordered to try the next infantry charge (calvary didn't do very well climbing from trenches, so they kept trying these horseless calvary charges in hopes that things had changed back to the glory days).

And they had no idea that this was just the beginning. Knives wound continue to be improved, iterated. About twenty years later, the Nazis would show they created a science out of attaching knives to armored vehicles. Even planes, a hopeful sign of future progress, had knives attached to turn them into vicious tools of war. Now it wasn't even enough to watch all around you for knife attacks, you had to also watch the skies. Boats got them, even submarines that could pop out of the water, stab your ship, then disappear back into the depths before you joined them.

And though the Germans tried to create wonderwaffen for their war efforts, it was the Americans who took knives to a whole new level. They figured out how to split knives and gain tremendous amounts of energy in the process, enough energy to simultaneously cut everyone in a city to death.

This made war so unglorious that the main powers decided that maybe it just wasn't worth it. Of course, the knife manufacturers didn't like this, so the main powers pivoted to sometimes fighting weaker opponents, and sometimes using weaker players as their pokemon, which they would train, sell weapons to, give aid from their taxpayers so that they could afford the expensive weapons, and tell to attack the pokemon of their main power opponents.

This went pretty well until some of the pokemon resented being used in that way and then just discarded afterwards with their knife scars. Some of them used planes as knives to cut down some buildings and people thought maybe war is glorious again, but then changed their minds because now a lot of the war knives had cameras and the internet made it known that knives were being used on combatants and civilians alike.

So anyways, they warred in Afghanistan for 20 years just to be sure and then left, but now Russia and Israel are thinking maybe civilians aren't so great and they should get knifed and if anyone doesn't like that, maybe their whole city should get knifed because we could stab the moon or Mars if we really wanted to.

Maybe someone should try a calvary charge against them. I mean, it's been a while, maybe things have gone back to the way they were.

[–] nuke@sh.itjust.works 7 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

This comment is amazing 10/10

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[–] Roflmasterbigpimp@lemmy.world 20 points 7 months ago (5 children)

(Hello first Post here, if this one is too low-effort I will remove it and apologize.)

[–] JackRiddle@sh.itjust.works 24 points 7 months ago (1 children)

You don't have to remove it, but I want an apology video with a cute pet on camera please

[–] Roflmasterbigpimp@lemmy.world 16 points 7 months ago

Can't I lust link one of Logan Pauls?

[–] hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 points 7 months ago

While the post doesn't have oversexualised f35, it's still within NCD spirit I think

[–] nuke@sh.itjust.works 10 points 7 months ago

All good, and thanks for censoring the names

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[–] bradorsomething@ttrpg.network 18 points 7 months ago (2 children)

This guy died not knowing that two knives tied to a boomerang was what he needed.

[–] TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world 6 points 7 months ago

Delete this before Australian Dylan Klebold sees

[–] CileTheSane@lemmy.ca 17 points 7 months ago (1 children)

"Why is it effective at Suppression?"

[–] grandkaiser@lemmy.world 23 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

Well it's because it makes your morale bar drop really fast which makes you move slower (unless someone shouts uuh-raa! nearby)

Anyway if you have any more questions, I'm a gold rank player so that's roughly 7 years of military service equivalent.

[–] nuke@sh.itjust.works 11 points 7 months ago

Thank you for your service 🫡

[–] SomeAmateur@sh.itjust.works 15 points 7 months ago

I just want to shoot a belt fed in peace man

[–] Maggoty@lemmy.world 12 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I'm so glad this guy made it to NCD.

[–] yuri@pawb.social 8 points 7 months ago (1 children)

He was so sure that this community would be on his side too

[–] Maggoty@lemmy.world 6 points 7 months ago

That was hilarious.

[–] Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee 8 points 7 months ago (1 children)
[–] Roflmasterbigpimp@lemmy.world 21 points 7 months ago (2 children)

The Guy with the knife was in Australia

[–] Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee 32 points 7 months ago (6 children)

The commenter was almost certainly a Yankee Doofus though.

[–] skillissuer@discuss.tchncs.de 9 points 7 months ago

i'm like 90% sure he's american and sold guns in the past

[–] skillissuer@discuss.tchncs.de 6 points 7 months ago (2 children)

it's the birth of new pierre sprey

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[–] sukhmel@programming.dev 15 points 7 months ago

Maybe the weapon apologist is from America

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