this post was submitted on 26 Dec 2023
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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Start the new year off right and leave this bad habit behind you, it's disgusting!

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[–] robocall@lemmy.world 49 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I shit every day and can't stop. I can't control myself and my desire to shit is so strong, I find myself putting it before my family, friends, job, I'll even wake up in the middle of the night with the need to shit sometimes. This addiction impacts my life every day. If I don't shit, I start to think about it and worry.

[–] ElBarto@sh.itjust.works 14 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I've got the solution!

Not eating!

Never eat a single thing again and you'll never have to be burdened with having to shit ever again!

It's free, easy and you'll look great as well!

[–] feck_it@sh.itjust.works 3 points 10 months ago

Until the day you die!

Bro you just gotta hold your poop in

[–] kerrigan778@lemmy.world 19 points 10 months ago (1 children)

But when will I use Lemmy then?

[–] lugal@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago (2 children)
[–] dylanTheDeveloper@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago

I prefer the term freelance CEO

[–] kerrigan778@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago

I work in the food industry. Only time I'm on Lemmy at work is breaks/bathroom

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 17 points 10 months ago (4 children)

If I had three wishes, one of them would be to never need to use the bathroom again.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 18 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Wish granted. You now have catheter and colostomy bags.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 18 points 10 months ago (1 children)

STOP BEING THE TRICKY KIND OF GENIE PEOPLE!

[–] platypus_plumba@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (3 children)

Wish granted, I'm the murderous kind of genie now. So... What's your last wish?

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago (4 children)

Jeez. All I wanted was to never have to be around poo or pee again. Is that really asking too much? You guys are mean.

[–] Bleach7297@lemmy.ca 3 points 10 months ago

Granted. You are on the moon (with empty bladder and poop shute)

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[–] tweeks@feddit.nl 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Even if that would mean that we keep growing in size, fattening up completely with all we ever consume?

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

Well no, obviously I would stay the way I am.

[–] SapphireVelvet84839@lemmynsfw.com 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Everybody jokes but one day there's going to be a Cyberpunk|40kMechanicus|DeusEx market part for purchase, and the world will be further divided by those that need access to sewage and those that do not.

[–] Olhonestjim@lemmy.world 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

If I could buy an implant that compressed my shit into diamonds, I would be so happy.

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[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 14 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Slogan should be "put a cork in it."

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Tampons work surprisingly well.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

How many do I need to eat for it to work?

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[–] someguy3@lemmy.world 14 points 10 months ago (1 children)

We went from 3 days to infinity?

[–] idunnololz@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

*until you die. Which I assume is not too much longer than 3 days.

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[–] chickenpotpi@lemmy.world 13 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Shitting is so wasteful. People dont know that you just have to hold it in for a while, so your body can fully utilize it.

Source: I am voice actor for GTA 6.

[–] rmuk@feddit.uk 3 points 10 months ago

Oh my god it's dickvamblerAU. Can you say "boop" for me?

[–] sagrotan@lemmy.world 12 points 10 months ago

Reading this shitting

[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago

I'll be sending TP! Thoughts & Prayers 🙏

[–] GregorGizeh@lemmy.zip 8 points 10 months ago

Im doing it right now, cope and seethe amirite

[–] LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago (2 children)

What the fuck how is lemmy leaking into reality…?

[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago
[–] gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 7 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Well how do you feel about shtanding, then?

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[–] JoYo@lemmy.ml 5 points 10 months ago

wait until they learn about eating. fucking revolting.

[–] jdf038@mander.xyz 5 points 10 months ago

You all are so weird. I love it.

[–] Resol@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago

I imagine myself completely exploding after about a week of not shitting. It's still gonna make a shitty mess everywhere.

[–] dutchkimble@lemy.lol 4 points 10 months ago

We need VaPOOrise

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 4 points 10 months ago

Some Lemmy advocacy does feel like this

[–] autokludge@programming.dev 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Pro tip - Simply eat a light meal of shirataki noodles, around 200 Cal. With any luck you can form your very own bezoar and rid yourself of this addiction for the rest of your life.

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[–] LordOfTheChia@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)
[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 3 points 10 months ago

ALL HAIL DIARRHEA!

[–] LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I may be accidentally joining this ... um... movement

because I've been procrastinating squeezing out a loaf I've had in the chamber for a couple hours

[–] feck_it@sh.itjust.works 3 points 10 months ago (3 children)

Not much a movement then. Hopefully you got that loaf out by now.

[–] LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

OP proposed a movement.

And I need a bowel movement.

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[–] niktemadur@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

Like that old Kids In The Hall sketch.

"WE WILL NOT BE TYRANNIZED BY OUR BLADDERS!"

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