It’s that men don’t take a lot of pictures of themselves. Then they refuse to take any specifically for their dating profiles. Taking pictures specifically for a dating profile would show that they actually care about finding a person they would do other things specifically for.

[–] CancerMancer@sh.itjust.works 15 points 4 days ago (6 children)

Taking pictures specifically for a dating profile would show that they actually care about finding a person they would do other things specifically for.

This is a dead giveaway that you've never asked men why they don't take and share pictures of themselves. Most men in the anglosphere consider it vain and self-destructive to obsess over their looks. You can also see it in the way they buy clothes ("I'll take 5 pairs of the same pants, thanks"), the way they cut their hair ("just take an inch off and even it out"), and the way they present themselves, often with as few accessories and adornments as possible. Those they do have are utilitarian or deeply personal.

[–] valtia@lemmy.world 3 points 3 days ago (4 children)

that's exactly the point. taking a picture won't kill you, and it sets you apart from all of the other men who are so stubborn that they refuse

[–] urbeker@programming.dev 7 points 3 days ago (1 children)

This is what's wrong with the culture wars. You know why most men don't have any pictures of themselves, or if they do it's of them doing something else? That's the only time people take pictures of them. Most men literally don't have someone that they can just ask to take a picture of them. That coupled with the generally terrible body image issues most men have means taking dating profile photos is intimidating, better just to flick through the ten or so photos you already have and pick a couple.

I would bet the vast majority of men posting pictures of themselves holding fish would love decent photos just of them but have no idea how to do it themselves or have anyone to ask.

[–] Belgdore@lemm.ee -1 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Those are excuses. I took selfies and found my girlfriend of two years on a dating app. I learned how to pose myself and present a good image. One of the pictures is a major factor in why she started talking to me in the first place. My expression and eyes were what she liked.

I have body image issues, I had no one to help me, I have depression and anxiety, and I got it done. No one is asking men to move the earth. Women are just asking for them to give it a try and show that they give a shit.

It’s not culture wars, it’s men failing to even try a little bit to even look interested.

[–] urbeker@programming.dev 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

You are framing the issue as men vs women, it's classic culture wars.

Saying that because you could do something all people that can't do that are inferior is quite an arrogrant stance. Lots of people can give a shit and still be bad at things. Very few people put up a dating profile they think is bad.

I just think that the unpresidented transformation of how dating works in the last 15ish years, doesn't work for anyone very well. There are studies showing how it is affecting the fertility rate. With just a handful of companies controlling the algorithm that most people now use to find their partner, with no oversight or accountability.

I don't think the dating landscape would be any healthier if everybody suddenly got good photos. Algorithm based dating just leads to general dissatisfaction. Not that it was much better in the past to be fair, but at least it was organic.

[–] Belgdore@lemm.ee -2 points 3 days ago

We are talking about a specific issue between a certain type of man and that is being complained of by a certain type of woman.

The issue is between straight men and women. I could add several qualifiers (we aren’t talking about metro sexual rakes for instance), but I think most people are aware of the type of men that fall into the categories we are discussing.

I was pointing out that any one can do what I did. A data point of one doesn’t mean much, sure. But unless a person has some disability they should be able to take a decent picture of themselves. We’ve had good digital cameras in our pockets for over a decade, it’s your own fault if you don’t learn how to use it.

What does fertility rate have to do with relationships? Sounds like a conservative/ incel talking point to me.

Apps and the algorithms suck for a lot of reasons, but they aren’t going away and we have to adapt.

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