So all the escalations and violence from NATO that preceded the official start of the war don't count?

If you do a thing that you know is going to lead to war then you're starting the war. And NATO knew its brinkmanship with Ukraine was very likely to force Russia's hand -- analysts across the political spectrum were screaming it for years trying to sound the alarm. The mistake they made was assuming NATO would care to avoid war.

NATO led Ukraine into war, has fed Ukrainians into the abattoir of Russian artillery, sabotaged peace talks, and just generally clearly gives 0 fucks about Ukrainian lives.