this post was submitted on 12 Dec 2023
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To be nice or friendly with kids.
As a man (I know starting a sentence that way can also be a red flag), I'm always nervous when kids interact with me.
It feels like I'm being judged harshly for just wanting to be friendly and that I could so quickly be accused of being a pervert or worse.
So I just don't interact with them.
My policy as a recently new father will also probably be that I won't have my daughter's friends over when I'm the only adult present.
Get this: my friend is "not allowed" to be left alone with his daughter. His own daughter. If wife needs to go out without baby, baby gets dropped off at grandparents (wife's parents) instead of just staying home with dad. What's even more ridiculous is his profession is early childhood educator. He's more qualified than most other parents out there, male or female. I don't know how he puts up with being insulted like that.
That's actually disgusting. Does he want it like this for some reason? Is there something in the past? Or is it just "penises will rape, that's what they do"?
I don't know how he puts up with it, but I do know why. He was alone since he was a teen, and now his wife and in-laws are his only family. His dream has always been having a family and community. He'll bend over backwards to please his in-laws. It's unfortunate they treat him like that, and while his wife is sweet, she's a pushover and doesn't stand up for him.
Why the in-laws are like that? I don't know.
Projection. Definitely projection. Makes me trust them a lot less & I'm scared for that little girl.
I can only speak for myself, but one of my problems is that since a kid Iβve been going along with people to avoid conflict.
What this means is that when someone else views me as dangerous or untrustworthy, I automatically play along and treat myself as dangerous.
Itβs only been in the past few months that Iβve become aware of this and started shutting it down. Iβm in my 42nd year right now.
It feels so much better to treat myself as the person I know myself to be. But these masks we put on in early childhood are easy to mistake for our own faces.
Heβs probably been trained to expect heavy punishment for standing up for himself
That's beyond insulting, I'd call that a controlling / abusive relationship. And if his wife seriously thinks he's a risk to their child why the fuck would she have a baby with him and stay with him? That poor kid is going to grow up with a really damaging view of men, male / female relationships, and parental relationships.
Of course it makes little sense that he would go along with this. But why in god's name would she want to stay married to someone she doesn't trust with his own children?